I realise dat after part 1 of my so called 'confession', i actuali felt better...
But it was still not enough...
I let myself befall into an episode of solitude...
Which now i felt like it was stupid...
Shutting myself up onli did me one gud thing, make me more depressed...
I dun reali noe why...
But it did...
Ever wondered who reali are ur frens???
Wad type of person they are???
I noe dat any friend can answer dat but do u seriously think u noe everything about ur fren???
I thought i knew my who was my fren...
I actuali had a close fren whom i considered a brother to me...
But now, he means almost nothing to me...
What is a friend to u???
Is he/she someone who willingly hangs out wif u???
Or someone who can bond wif u???
Or someone whom u find a connection with???
Or someone u trust???
If u have all those, frankly speaking u are wielding a double edge sword...
Right now i can't be sure who i can ever trust truly...
Trust is something that can be easily earned, and also easily destroyed...
My trust to a certain fren of mine went out the window de day he left me to rot...
I din wanna say his name before but now, i wanna...
His name is Rudy Irwan Bin Ramli...
He was my closest fren... N now he is a stranger to me...
Shocking isn't it...
How one minute a person can become ur fren and another minute ur enemy...
I gave my trust to him but he took advantage of me...
Sadly to say, i din think he even took me as a fren...
I felt used... Used...
The only time he needed me was only for his benefit...
His band, his family, his friends...
I put effort in every aspect of his life...
But in return i get shit from him...
I even cancelled dates wif my girlfren alot of times because of him...
Coz i reali thought he needed help...
N he did, itz juz dat he din noe how to be grateful about it...
I din even noe why i wanted to help him so much...
Was it because of friendship???
I thought it was...
But now that i tink of it, I was juz his bitch...
I din give him any help... I did him favours...
Too many and many saved his ass from getting on the chopping board wif a lot of ppl...
Many ppl disliked him... But i defended him...
Because he was my fren n i din like anybody talking bad about my friends...
But did he??? No.................
Criticise me was what he did...
Made me feel like shit...
Call it tough love or call it negative reassurance or watever...
To me, itz called being an ass...
I helped his band, supported his band and even contributed to the music of his band...
N wad do i get in return???
Thrown away like yesterday's leftovers...
Seriously...
It was always me who had to msg him and ask him how he was...
It was owaez me who had to give in...
It was me who owaez had to help him...
It was me who owaez let him have wad he want...
That's when i decided i had enuff...
No more...
I led myself live in denial for too long...
N im not trying to apply to myself...
I wanna tell de whole world...
If u have a fren who is treating u like a bitch, break it off...
It doesn't matter if ur oredi frens wif him for 5 or 50 years...
If ur treated like crap, get de hell out...
But seriusly, i dun have it rough...
Friends that use their friends for their selfish gain is one thing...
But to backstab, lie and even talk back about ur best fren???
Are u even allowed to call urself a fren???
Imagine u've known someone a long time and suddenly u've seen chenges in him/her...
He/she starts to act differently...
Gets sucked into peer pressure...
Breaks promises and goes back on his/her word at de last minute...
Smokes and drinks...
Not onli dat, but he/she talks bad behind ur back???
Backstabs u and even lies to u not once but almost all de time...
Engage in activites dat i dun even wanna noe and even eats PORK...
Dats a disgrace to de word fren...
If U still think dat dere is still something gud about him/her...
Somthing dat is worth keeping as de glue dat holds de friendship...
Den i applaud u...
Ur de friend dat everyone wants to have...
Living in this world right now is a challenge...
N one of them is picking ur right frens...
Right now, everybody is putting on a happy face but i still dun noe who is who...
N i will never noe what kinda of fren i will eventually choose...
Like i said, this is my 'confession'...
I dun wan opinions...
Labels: Part 2
1:07 AM