Friday, June 26, 2009
The world mourns and cries were heard throughout the entire world...
None but only one thing can cause this...
The death of Michael Joseph Jackson...
The King Of Pop...
Then, Now and Forever...
It was the news that shed the tears of many people...
White, Black, Asian, European...
Anybody and everybody...
Even me...
Of course, I didn't cry because I find it useless personally...
But I am sad upon hearing his death...
A man like can only be found so rarely...
Talented, caring and a devoted father...
Even though he has been accused, criticised, divorced and gone nearly bankrupt...
He stayed true to what he believed in...
And that was music...
I remember when I first heard Beat It on the radio...
I couldn't even remember how old I was...
Probably around kindergarden...
Although at that time I did not know who Michael Jackson was, I was attached to his voice...
None can be Michael..
Nobody can dance like Michael, Nobody can sing like Michael...
A lot of people can make covers or remixes of his songs...
But all of those can never sound as good as the original...
Because no one is able to be like Michael Jackson...
There is only one Michael Jackson...
And only one...
Rest In Peace...
Michael Joseph Jackson...
Born 29 August 1958
Died 25 June 2009...
Loved You Then...
Love You Now...
Love You Forever...
Labels: Long Live The King
7:59 PM
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
First off...
I wanna apologize to anybody and everybody who read my recent blog posts...
I juz wanted to set my feelings straight...
And if wad i wrote offended u in anyway, I'm sorry...
I hope u do not judge me...
I am still human...
I have flaws... Hell, everybody got flaws...
So please do not judge me...
It was something I had to do...
I actuali planned on doing a part 3...
But i came to my senses and finally realised all this is bullshit...
Itz gud dat im letting it all out but i juz feel itz does anything gud for me...
So now, this is where i take my next step in life...
I'm gonna change...
I'm gonna get rid of all dat shit...
Get a new attitude...
Start changing my wardrobe and everything...
Itz a new me...
And he juz got reborn right now...
Which probably is de reason why i need a job...
Nobody said change didn't come with a price...
In my case, itz de real green im needing...
Can't change my wardrobe without cash...
Haha...
So anybody who got a job opening, im all ears...
Life's been good so far...
Went out with Fida on Monday...
It was our 1st date in months...
Went to watch Blood: The Last Vampire...
I'd give a rating bout 2.5/5 stars...
Action is good but too many computerised effects...
The blood was computerised, the demon was computerised...
So it didn't have de wowness i wanted...
Gonna start working out tomorrow...
Need to lose the flabs I've put on the last year...
Never realise being in poly could take up all ur time and ur left with nothing...
But i got 3 weeks till school starts...
Got all de time in de world...
All in all, my so called confession really helped me recognise one thing...
I'm not doing anything to change...
So basically it was gud coz i let all my problems out but it was bad coz all i did was letting all my problems out...
Wow... The contradiction...
Well, Im gonna end this post with an impromtu poem...
A talent I had which I lost a long time ago and hoping to rekindle it back...
Haha...
***The water runs dry to an ocean near...
Head, hands and feet...
All frozen by fear...
Jump should the boy or just wait...
Till the crashing waves takes his fate...
Sins done, none forgiven...
His life now plunged into a forgotten...
Plagued by by deception, depression and disguise...
All but truth came from his lies...
Hurt were others, both skin and soul...
How can a man be so cold???
The answer was never to be said...
For the taboo in which it calls the valley of the dead...
But answered it was and now he sees...
The jump of desperation or the death of freed???
He close his eyes and smiles small...
"A chance I take and will see it all"***
Welcoming myself... As a Hardcore Kid and a Gentleman to society...
Labels: Gentleman Of Hardcore
1:30 AM
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
I realise dat after part 1 of my so called 'confession', i actuali felt better...
But it was still not enough...
I let myself befall into an episode of solitude...
Which now i felt like it was stupid...
Shutting myself up onli did me one gud thing, make me more depressed...
I dun reali noe why...
But it did...
Ever wondered who reali are ur frens???
Wad type of person they are???
I noe dat any friend can answer dat but do u seriously think u noe everything about ur fren???
I thought i knew my who was my fren...
I actuali had a close fren whom i considered a brother to me...
But now, he means almost nothing to me...
What is a friend to u???
Is he/she someone who willingly hangs out wif u???
Or someone who can bond wif u???
Or someone whom u find a connection with???
Or someone u trust???
If u have all those, frankly speaking u are wielding a double edge sword...
Right now i can't be sure who i can ever trust truly...
Trust is something that can be easily earned, and also easily destroyed...
My trust to a certain fren of mine went out the window de day he left me to rot...
I din wanna say his name before but now, i wanna...
His name is Rudy Irwan Bin Ramli...
He was my closest fren... N now he is a stranger to me...
Shocking isn't it...
How one minute a person can become ur fren and another minute ur enemy...
I gave my trust to him but he took advantage of me...
Sadly to say, i din think he even took me as a fren...
I felt used... Used...
The only time he needed me was only for his benefit...
His band, his family, his friends...
I put effort in every aspect of his life...
But in return i get shit from him...
I even cancelled dates wif my girlfren alot of times because of him...
Coz i reali thought he needed help...
N he did, itz juz dat he din noe how to be grateful about it...
I din even noe why i wanted to help him so much...
Was it because of friendship???
I thought it was...
But now that i tink of it, I was juz his bitch...
I din give him any help... I did him favours...
Too many and many saved his ass from getting on the chopping board wif a lot of ppl...
Many ppl disliked him... But i defended him...
Because he was my fren n i din like anybody talking bad about my friends...
But did he??? No.................
Criticise me was what he did...
Made me feel like shit...
Call it tough love or call it negative reassurance or watever...
To me, itz called being an ass...
I helped his band, supported his band and even contributed to the music of his band...
N wad do i get in return???
Thrown away like yesterday's leftovers...
Seriously...
It was always me who had to msg him and ask him how he was...
It was owaez me who had to give in...
It was me who owaez had to help him...
It was me who owaez let him have wad he want...
That's when i decided i had enuff...
No more...
I led myself live in denial for too long...
N im not trying to apply to myself...
I wanna tell de whole world...
If u have a fren who is treating u like a bitch, break it off...
It doesn't matter if ur oredi frens wif him for 5 or 50 years...
If ur treated like crap, get de hell out...
But seriusly, i dun have it rough...
Friends that use their friends for their selfish gain is one thing...
But to backstab, lie and even talk back about ur best fren???
Are u even allowed to call urself a fren???
Imagine u've known someone a long time and suddenly u've seen chenges in him/her...
He/she starts to act differently...
Gets sucked into peer pressure...
Breaks promises and goes back on his/her word at de last minute...
Smokes and drinks...
Not onli dat, but he/she talks bad behind ur back???
Backstabs u and even lies to u not once but almost all de time...
Engage in activites dat i dun even wanna noe and even eats PORK...
Dats a disgrace to de word fren...
If U still think dat dere is still something gud about him/her...
Somthing dat is worth keeping as de glue dat holds de friendship...
Den i applaud u...
Ur de friend dat everyone wants to have...
Living in this world right now is a challenge...
N one of them is picking ur right frens...
Right now, everybody is putting on a happy face but i still dun noe who is who...
N i will never noe what kinda of fren i will eventually choose...
Like i said, this is my 'confession'...
I dun wan opinions...
Labels: Part 2
1:07 AM
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I noe itz gonna pretty much cliche' but im still gonna say it...
Sori i haven bin updating...
N im not gonna say dat i was busy wif school or projects or whatever shit...
I juz din feel like updating...
I kinda get de feeling dat ppl nowadays use blogs as nothing more than daily planner...
Everybody juz writes wad happen in their lives every single day...
N i've bin doin dat too...
Im not sayin itz wrong but i feel like dere's more to what a blog represents than juz a update of ur life to the world...
Frankly speaking, i dun tink anybody really cares of wad happens to ur life...
They juz go to blog to either look at pics or juz tag...
That's it...
I maybe wrong... Or I am wrong...
I dunno which one is which anymore...
This post that im gonna write is really not about wad happen today at school or wad i've bin doin for de past weeks or some other story i usually tell...
This post may even sound like a confession...
Right now, there are so many things running in my mind that i dun even noe where to start...
My life is right now is a total mess...
It may seem like there is nothing wrong wif me...
Coz i guess im pretty good at covering myself...
As usual...
Being in a relationship has its ups and downs...
I dun see it either way...
I see it as a whole package...
I love my girlfriend but somehow I always feel like there's a void in our relationship...
I dun reali noe wad it is...
My gf is a straight forward person and u can talk to her about anything...
But im seriously not gonna talk to her about this...
Im terrified bout the end result...
Im owaez so frustrated wif myself that I can't even have enuff money to even last thru one month together...
Actually i can... But one of us has to have de ability of not eating for at least 8 hrs each day...
Im juz sick of knowing dat everytime i get my allowance from my parents, i cn oredi imagine myself goin broke before the middle of the month...
I wanna look for a job but i noe the ending to dat n i juz dun wanna picture myself goin thru an argument between me n my parents n ends up wif me running away from home... I dun wan dat...
N itz not juz dat... I juz can't stop thinking of obscene images whenever im wif her...
Im digusted wif myself... I seriously am...
N i tink because of this, it has lead to think dat Im a porn addict...
Yes... i watch porn every single day...
I have no idea why...
Watching porn to me is like smoking...
You have to do it everyday...
Its meaningless seriously...
I dun earn from it...
Itz a stupid and to mention im doing a sin...
Astagfirullah i dun even noe why i continue to do it...
Speaking of which, i have to seem to lost my frequency in performing my prayers...
I cry everytime i hear an ustaz performin an azan...
I owaez keep thinking to myself, "what are you crying for??? coz ur a hypocrite or coz ur thrash?"
N sadly the answer is both...
I am a hypocrite...
I promise my mother that i will never skip another class...
But i still did... Hypocrite...
I criticise others who dun even perform their prayers but i myself dun do it everytime... Hypocrite...
I criticise other religion when i myself has yet to continue to show my faith... Hypocrite...
I learn of the right and wrong in my religion but i do more of the wrong than i do the right... Hypocrite...
Let's face it, im both a hypocrite n thrash...
I wanna atone for my sins but de same old stupid reason keeps popping up...
"There's owaez tomorrow"
How many tomorrows can there be before u actuali realise u are on borrowed time...
One day you will die... I dunno if itz soon or later...
But u will die...
Datz de bottom line...
N i see wad is happening to ppl around me n i can't help to think that i contribute to it...
It may not be something as deviant but it is still something...
I dunno how or why but i noe it has to stop...
Though i have said much, a lot has yet to be unfolded...
I have yet to see what is tearing up my heart into two...
I can say this however...
I am a coward... N i am thrash...
Right now, I am entering a journey of self discovering myself...
N by doing dat, i have to know what kind of person i have become since de day i was born till right this very moment i am typing this...
I dunno if it works but itz better den waking up de nex day de thrash i am now...
Wallahuwa'lam...
Labels: Part 1
12:20 AM